


Some mistakes are made

by Thedreamingtree1



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Depression, Dissociation, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mildly Dubious Consent, Moral of the story by Ashe, Percy's a sad boi, Romance, Suicide, but so is Jason, first fic, nobody communicates, not a happy ending :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23710201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedreamingtree1/pseuds/Thedreamingtree1
Summary: “Marry me”The words were whispered, just as soft as the air cocooning the two. It didn’t feel like a question. Percy answered anyway.“Okay”Percy played with the hand in his.OR glimpses of Percy's and Jason's relationship from start to finish. It's not in chronological order because I suck and it's based on the song "Moral of the Story" by AsheSONG FIC!
Relationships: (Minor)Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jason Grace/Percy Jackson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 59





	Some mistakes are made

**Author's Note:**

> 'Ello there peeps, this is my very first fic like ever so I would absolutely love it if you could review and comment below so I know where I can improve in the future :) Also it's in the tags but I thought it best to say it again, there are elements of depression, suicide, and dissociation in this story so if any of those make you uncomfortable or might trigger a past memory I suggest leaving now. If you feel like I misinterpreted or did not accurately represent any of the disorders mentioned in a way that offends you then please let me know and what I can do to change it. 
> 
> P.S. I tried to italicize things happening in the past so it's less confusing :)

**So I never really knew you**

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was calm but there was a twinge of something else there. 

“I’m sorry”, another voice responded.“I just didn’t want you to worry”. There was a certain playful fondness in the voice that both endeared and irritated him to no end.

Percy ran his fingers through his hair. “We can’t keep secrets babe”, his voice was still calm but that twinge hadn’t left either.

“I know”. Jason finished cleaning his glasses and looked up at Percy with a smile.

“This won’t work if we keep secrets”, Percy sighed. He had yet to change his tone but the twinge was now gone. Jason instead of talking came up to Percy and wrapped his arms around his waist. Pulling him in close and touching their noses together with a slight- “boop”. 

Percy felt something crack and began to laugh. How dare Jason do this when he knew Percy couldn’t stay mad like that. The tickle attack didn’t help either leaving him breathless and smiling, his irritation slipping further away by the second. 

“Jason- st- sTOp I’m- I’m-haha-I’m trying to have a serious conversation!”. Jason paused his torment to look deep in Percy’s eyes and Percy felt his heart-stopping for a second, like it, always did when Jason looked at him - stupid heart. “I know….I’m sorry”. The last part was whispered with Jason’s eyes still boring into his. Percy stared right back. In between their hands intertwined.

**God I really tried to**

The movie was blaring in front of them and yet neither was paying attention. Instead, hands were roaming and lips were locking and legs were getting a bit too close for comfort. 

Percy’s head was spinning and everything was blurring together. _Too fast_ , his head chanted. _Too fast, too fast, too fast_. Percy put a tentative hand on Jason’s chest and pushed. “Jason” he whispered. But Jason didn’t hear him, his lips still latched at Percy’s neck, his hands still running up his sides. They burned. _Too fast_ , his mind said again. _Too fast, too fast, too fast_. 

“Jason”, Percy said again in a slightly louder tone. This time Jason responded but he didn’t stop. “Hmm”. _Slow down, slow down, slow down_. His hands still burned. Searing everything they touched. Percy felt a stirring between his legs and gulped. 

“I just want you to know that I love you and that I won’t ever stop loving you and I’d do anything for you”. _Slow down, slow down, slow down_.

Jason smiled into the soft patch of skin on Percy’s stomach. “Of course babe” he took Percy's hand into his. And just like that, they went on.  
It was a flurry of emotion that Percy barely noticed. ‘I want this’, he told the little voice in his head. And yet as Jason ate through his flesh with his flames and Percy was burning like the fucking sun - _too fast, slow down, too fast, too fast, too fast_. 

Then he was cold and it was over. Percy had been saving his virginity for as long as he could remember for the right moment- the right person. And it was over. Jason’s head laid heavily on Percy’s shoulder and he doubted Jason noticed the tears Percy couldn't seem to stop.

**Blindsighted, addicted**

Percy was flustered. He had never had someone flirt with him before and here he was fetching coffee for him and Jason and this barista was clearly laying down the signs. She ringed her pretty blond hair around her finger and spoke in a husky voice and stole glances when she thought he wasn’t looking. 

Flushing, Percy waited for his coffee and tried to ignore her advances. Trying to ignore the slight tingling in his chest every time the girl “accidentally” touched his hand. 

“Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed?”

“W-what?”

Confusion graced Percy’s features as he looked at her. “What?” he repeated. This was quite a turn from all the flirting ~~they~~ she was doing. “Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed?” It was her turn to repeat and that slight pull of her lips was stunning. 

“No…”

“Her name was Reese something I think”

“Witherspoon?”

“No with a knife.”

Percy stared for a second. Just watched her throw her head back in laughter. Watching the way her neck moved and her grey eyes sparkled and how her smile lifted literal butterflies in his stomach. 

Then he was laughing too. 

They both were laughing so hard that she spilled the coffee and they hardly noticed the disgruntled looks of the other customers. Not even the manager coming in and scolding her for the mess was enough to stop their laughter. “Yes ma’am, right away ma’am”, she struggled out as she tried to hold back her giggles. 

“What’s going on here?”, a warm hand wrapped around Percy’s waist and the butterflies turned to stone. 

Jason eyed the girl at the counter and his hand tightened. The girl stopped giggling abruptly upon catching the arm around his waist. Tuning a bit pale, she quickly turned away with an apology on her lips.

Another employee gave them their coffee and they left. Jason didn’t say a word and neither did Percy. Jason’s upset. Percy felt his heart clench. 

**Felt we could really do this**

_“Go out with me”_

“Huh?”

_They were behind the bleachers on the football field. Jason was covered in grass stains and sweat after winning the big game. Percy had been screaming his heart out as he ran to the end of the field and he was pretty sure he threw his popcorn when he scored if the cursing complaints of the person next to him were anything to go by._

_The team had been happy and celebrating, all hugging Jason or trying to hoist him on their shoulders while the crowd went wild. In the end, they dumped this cooler filled with an unknown liquid (probably Gatorade) on him and dragged him off to the locker rooms where he’d been for the past hour. Meanwhile, Percy watched the crowd file out excitedly from his place under the bleachers. Waiting._

_“Hey,” Jason finally showed and the smile was bright enough to light up the night. Percy smiled back. “Hey”. Jason took his hand, rubbing circles on his knuckles and Percy shivered at the warmth he felt spread._

_“Good game today”_

_“Mmm”_

_Jason looked up from his circle drawing and stared Percy right in his sea-green eyes - looking at him as if he was the moon itself. “I think I’m in love with you”_

_Percy thought his heart would explode, it was beating so fast. Barely able to think through the euphoria_ he likes me, he likes me, he likes me, _Percy nodded._

_“Go out with me”_

_“Huh?”_ he likes me, he likes me, he likes me, he likes me

_“Go out with me”, Jason repeated, his grip tightening on Percy’s hand and his voice taking on a nervous crack._

_Percy squeezed. “Okay”_

**But really I was foolish. Hindsight. It’s obvious.**

Percy was going through old pictures on his phone. Most of them were of Jason. Jason eating something he liked. Jason making funny faces. Jason at that one museum they visited that one time. Jason laughing at something someone said. Jason looking at the sunset. Jason, playing at his game. Jason sleeping on the couch. Jason... Jason... Jason...

**Talking with my Lawyer**

“So no divorce?”

“Jason doesn’t want one”

Piper sighed and flapped the papers down on her large polished desk. “A divorce isn’t just about one person Percy”, she said.

 _She looks tired,_ Percy noted. _She should sleep._ He tells her so. Piper glares. “I’m tired for you Perce”, the words come out harsher than she wanted them too and Percy flinches at the annoyed tone. 

“I’m sorry”, the words come out softer than he wanted them too and Piper flinches at the tone. 

Her glare softened and - in what Piper wants people to believe is a rare moment of kindness - she reached for his hand. He ignored how cool her’s was. 

**She said, “Where’d you find this guy?”**

_Percy sat in the back of the classroom, his hoodie drawn fully over his head. He watched the rest of the kids talk and get to know each other and longed to reach out._

_Walking down the hall he stuck to the wall. His wrists stung and the lockers poked his sides but he didn’t move. He kept his eyes down low, squeezing his backpack straps as his swarmed with thought._

_He had work after this and then he had to pick up his mom’s medication and then he had to make dinner and then he had to work the bills and then-- his train of thought was broken by what felt like a brick wall._

_“Oh my god! Are you okay?!”_

_Percy wanted to tell the loud voice to shut up and let him deal with his new and old wounds. Then a tan hand was reaching out and bright blue eyes were shining into his._

_“I’m Jason”, a silvery voice called out and Percy spent a moment just caught in the sound. Jason didn't move and his gaze didn't waver staring straight through Percy as if he was all he could see._

_Blushing Percy took the hand and it was the warmest thing he'd ever touched._

**I said “Young people fall in love with the wrong people sometimes”**

“No divorce”, Percy confirmed, nodding his head for emphasis. Piper squeezed his hand. “He loves me” he said though Piper never really asked. “I love him”. Piper’s hand tightened on his and her eyes held a strange emotion in them.

**Some mistakes get made.**

Percy hadn’t heard from Jason in a week. He was mad at him he knew it but Percy didn’t know where he was so he couldn’t apologize and he just wanted to apologize, he needed to apologize- 

“Percy calm down” Rachel whispered as she ran her arms up and down his back . Just like Jason used too. 

He was going to be sick. 

Rachel stood outside the door with snacks and water, listening to Percy gag.

**That’s alright, that’s okay**

“I’m back”. Jason stood in the doorway, black backpack slung over his shoulder, that same lopsided smile on his face making Percy’s stomach twist.

It was like he never left.

“You’re back”

**You can think that you’re in love**

_“Come on! I wanna show you something!”_

_“Wait up!”_

_Percy chased after Jason as fast as he could, his feet slightly slipping on the wet grass. It was dark and he couldn’t see very well but Jason’s voice kept calling so he kept following._

_“TADA!”Jason yelled in excitement once they had finally reached their destination, his arms making exaggerated Jazz hands as he pointed all-around at the display. Lights twinkled like colored, over-excited stars and crowds mingled past them with all sorts of treats in their hands. Rides towered in the distance and the smell of grease and sugar-filled Percy’s nose._

_“I thought a fair would be so romantic”, Jason wiggled his eyebrows at the statement and Percy couldn’t stop the smile from taking over his face. He pulled forward with laughing and slipping more on the grass._

_“What are we waiting for?”_

_The fair was beautiful. Jason bought him all the snacks he could eat and won him all the toys he could hold. They laughed and smiled and kissed and danced to the corny fair music even though it wasn’t really made for dancing. And as the night came to a close with Percy hanging onto Jason’s back, snuggled together with all his stuffed animals and the scent of Jason’s shampoo, Jason revealed one last surprise for the night._

_“Let’s ride the Ferris wheel”_

_Percy hesitated looking up at the intimidating ride with its dangly carriages high up in the air and felt his throat go a bit dry at the thought. His panicking was interrupted however by Jason squeezing his hand. Percy felt the knots in his stomach turn to butterflies and suddenly the ride didn’t look that big._

_“Okay”_

_And as they stepped in the wobbling booths (totally not scary at all), Percy clung to Jason and they rose. Reaching the top Percy pried his eyes open to look out the window. Instead, all he saw was Jason’s giddy face showered in different colors. His collarbone was softened under the baby blue. And his cheekbone looked more regal in rose pink. His lips were riper in the pastel green and his eyes glittered covered in a gentle purple. Percy felt an overwhelming sense of affection looking at the sight and suddenly there was too much space between them that Percy absolutely could not allow._

_“Percy look! You can see our car from here--” Jason exclaimed, pointing an eager finger at the window just as Percy reached up and stole the words from his lips. They tasted like cotton candy and hotdogs and he felt himself growing addicted to the taste. Jason let out a whimper as Percy let his tongue explore his mouth. The angle was wrong and a bit awkward and their teeth were crashing but neither cared. The feeling burned Percy like nothing else in this world and scary as it was he didn't think he could live without it._

_After what felt like ages (the ride only lasted 10 minutes) Percy pulled away first, a puff of hot air escaping the gap between them. “I think I’m in love with you”, he whispered against his lips. ‘They had looked soft but felt even softer’ Percy mused already leaning in again._

_“Yeah” Jason whispered back and then they were kissing on a Ferris wheel._

**When you’re really just in pain**

Percy would spend so many nights just running his fingers through Jason’s hair, tracing all the dips and curves of his face and poking the soft flesh with his fingers. Jason was always so hot. Never warm just hot. Percy always felt like one day there would be nothing left of himself but ash.

**Some mistakes get made. That’s alright, that’s okay.**

_Jason : I’m sorry_

_Jason : I miss you_

_Jason : Baby?_

_Read Thursday, 3:15 am_

_Percy : I miss you too_

_Read Friday, 9:27 pm_

**In the end, it’s better for me. That’s the moral of the story babe**

_Percy wrote a letter that he never sent with words he’d never said. Because in the end it was his birthday and all his friends were standing there with a cake and all of them were smiling just so beautifully._

_“Do you like it?”, Jason was hesitant with the words as if he actually thought Percy would say no_

_Percy couldn’t even if he wanted to._

_He took Jason’s hand in his. “I love it”_

_They cut the cake and sang the stupid song offkey and Jason never stopped holding Percy’s hand and Percy didn’t want him too._

**Oh, oh. Oh-ooh-oh. Woo, oh. Oh-ooh**

His phone wouldn’t stop ringing and he didn’t have the heart to turn it off. So he let it ring and shine it’s pale blue light on the ceiling with whoever decided to call this time. He sat and watched it. Counting the number of times it went off, trying to guess who it was based on the ringtone.

Then came the knocking. He regretted giving them all keys. They knocked and begged and bribed and Percy heard but he didn’t move. He didn’t listen. Their voices echoed in the room that might as well have been empty.

The knocking stopped and so did he.

**It’s funny how a memory turns into a bad dream**

He couldn’t stop the tears and he couldn’t stop the years. The house was empty and he cried as hard as he could. Percy shuddered at the whirlwind of emotions he couldn’t seem to get out of. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to think of something else; anyone else.

Instead he thought of all the times he and Jason had held each other. He thought of his scorching touch and flaming smile and searing eyes and slow down, slow down, slow down.

He thought about the time they spent all afternoon painting in the sun and drawing on each other's faces and ankles and laughing at their horrible artistic abilities.

He thought about teaching Jason to ride a skateboard and how scared he’d looked as he clung to Percy as if his life depended on it. 

He thought about holding hands on the grass, just spending hours looking at each other. Fingers mapping out the bodies before them and the setting sun slipping down the sky reflecting the lazy smiles they both held all afternoon.

He held his knees at the daggers of dreams and wants, and wishes and hopes that seemed to do nothing but tear him piece by piece. Smile by smile. Hand by hand.

If this was all a dream Percy wanted to wake up. 

**When running wild turns volatile**

Soft music played in the background and Percy and Jason held on. They always held on. But this holding on wasn’t as desperate as the others; it was gentle and sweet. They swayed slowly to the beat and Percy felt the blazing heat of Jason's chest and listened to the beating of his heart. It seemed as if the whole world had stopped turning just for this dance and there was only them. Always them. Forever them. Forever them.

“Marry me”

The words were whispered, just as soft as the air cocooning the two. It didn’t feel like a question. Percy answered anyway.

“Okay”

Percy played with the hand in his and wondered what it would look like with a dazzling ring on it. The thought made him smile and if the tightening of the arms around his midsection was anything to go by he wasn't the only one.

**Remember how we painted our house? Just like my grandparents did, so romantic**

_Percy gazed up at the stout house in front of him. The windows were cracked and the paint was peeling. The steps looked like they would give in at any second and the roof had several leaks. Jason took his hand in his and smiled that same smile that put the sun to shame. His bright blond hair waving dramatically in the wind._

_'Like the movies', Percy thought and returned the smile with one of his own._

_“Do you like it?” Jason asked, his hand squeezing Percy’s._

_~~Why’s he always asking that?~~ _

_Jason was biting his bottom lip, his tell-tale nervous sign._

_Percy took that lip with his own and breathed his consent into Jason’s mouth._

_“It’s perfect” and it was because it was theirs_

**But we fought the whole time, should have seen the signs, yeah**

_“Why does it have to be blue?”_

_“I like blue”_

_“Okay... but all blue?”_

_“What’s wrong with blue?”_

_“Nothing it’s just-”_

_“Just what?”_

_“It’s weird”_

_“I”M WEIRD JASON! I LIKE BLUE, YOU KNOW THIS! YOU KNOW I LIKE BLUE!”_

_“...”_

_“Just *sigh* What color do you want to paint the house?”_

_“We can paint it blue”_

_“It doesn’t have to be blue, what do you want to paint it?”_

_“Blue”_

_“Jason-”_

_“I want it blue”_

_“...”_

_“...”_

_“...” ___

____

_“Okay”_

__

**Talking with my mother**

__

Percy opened the door feeling happier than he had in months. Standing outside was one Sally Jackson, her short brown hair (finally growing out again) wrapped in a stark blue scarf. Her eyes were a deep brown and she had wrinkles- the kind you get from smiling too much- decorated by freckles. 

__

“Mom”, Percy breathed. Breathed. That wasn’t something he’d done in a while. “Percy”, she smiled back and then they were embracing. A tight embrace with a few tears neither wanted to acknowledge.

__

“So,” Sally started, wiping her eyes after finally pulling out of the hug that might have, might not have lasted an hour. “So”, Percy repeated in a similar state though he was beaming the entire time.

__

“How’s my baby doing?” Her voice was so kind and Percy almost started crying again. This wasn’t “are you okay?” or “is there something wrong?” She wasn’t analyzing his psyche or trying to get him to spill his most toxic secrets on the carpet. (Percy wasn’t a fool, he knew if he did that then he’d be the one who’d have to clean it up). She was just a mother wondering about her child's life.

__

“S’fine”, he said but the glint in her eye told him she didn’t really believe him. Regardless she didn’t push and for that he was grateful. They spent the next 3 hours or so snuggled up on the couch eating strawberries and talking about anything and everything possible. Their lives, their friends, and Percy’s new baby sister Estelle (who also happened to be his new favorite topic). Percy can’t remember the last time he laughed so much.

__

“So how’s marriage?”

__

The question had been sitting on a sort of inevitable suspense all evening. Percy knew it was coming so he doesn't know why he isn’t prepared for it. 

__

“Good”, he says because that’s what he always says. It’s what he ~~wants~~ knows to be true. 

__

Sally sighs because she knows. She knows how hard secrets are to clean and she knows they never really come out. Personally however she believes the floor would look a lot better like that anyway. Percy disagrees.

__

**She said “Where’d you find this guy?”**

_****_

_Percy was still. He wasn’t hiding per se but with the world passing him by as it was he might as well have been. Try as he might he couldn’t really think of anything so he stopped trying. Instead, he thought about the pretty blond boy he met in school 2 months ago. Jason. Sharp. Caring. Heavy. Burning. Falling. Calling. Silent. Loud. Dangerous. Needing. Wanting. Yearning. Trapped little Jason. Was that Jason? It felt like Jason. No it didn’t. It felt like him. It felt like Percy._

_****_

_Percy felt something wet run down his cheeks and was vaguely aware of its warmth. Jason. Always flaring Jason. Never stopping Jason. Sometimes-.... I’m hungry, he notes as he munches on a pickle. He doesn't know where it came from and he doesn’t know what it tastes like._

_****_

_“Perce…”_

_****_

_Does Percy even like pickles?_

_****_

_“Perce…”_

_****_

_He doesn’t think he does._

_****_

_“Percy…”_

_****_

_Gabe never liked pickles_

_****_

_“Percy…”_

_****_

_Maybe that’s why he beat-_

_****_

_“PERSEUS!”_

_****_

_Percy hears a voice and he’s aware if only for a second that he has legs and he’s walking somewhere. The voice calls again and this time he stops._

_****_

_“Percy...Percy, what are you doing?”_

_****_

_What was he doing? Walking apparently, but where? He couldn’t quite remember. He couldn’t quite remember anything that day. But if it was like his other days then he’d be going home. Home to make dinner and clean the house and go to bed. Then he’d wake up and he’d go to school, then to work, then home to make dinner and clean the house and go to bed and then he’d wake up and he’d go to school, then to work, then to home to make dinner and clean the house and go to bed and then-_

_****_

_“Percy”_

_****_

_Percy. That’s his name. He knows this. And he knows who this is. With the long blond hair and piercing blue eyes and smooth tan skin- It’s Jason. This is Jason. Jason’s here so he must be too._

_****_

_“Jason”, Percy says if anything just to speak and the sound comes out raspy from lack of use._

_****_

_“Percy” Jason responds and he has hands which he puts into Percy’s. Percy has hands. Their warm- no their smoldering._

_****_

_“He’s gone now Perce. I called the police and It’s all over he can’t hurt you anymore.”_

_****_

_Gabe. He’s talking about Gabe. Percy tells himself. Percy had a stepdad named Gabe. He never did anything, just sat around and drank beer. And sometimes when he was mad or lost a poker game he would raise his big sweaty hand and-_

_****_

_“Percy?”_

_****_

_Percy could feel his control slipping a bit as if he was supposed to be holding something but...isn’t?_

_****_

_Jason pulls him closer and Percy almost cries because it burns. “You didn’t answer any of my calls Perce, we were all so worried, we haven’t heard from you in so long”._

_****_

_A flurry of thoughts seem to take Percy over and despite all the things he finds himself wanting to say, wanting to ask he feels just one thing stumble from his lips. “I saw you yesterday”_

_****_

_“It’s been three weeks Percy”_

_****_

_“Oh”_

_****_

_Oh._

_****_

**I said, “Some people fall in love, with the wrong people”**

_****_

“Don’t break yourself”. She says squeezing his hand and it's warm. Those words snapped something in Percy and before he could stop it he could feel a mass panic filling his chest, pushing his lungs and lining his eyes with tears 

_****_

Percy wants to tell his mother it’s too late and he can already feel cracks. He wants so badly to say so many things about the long days and longer nights. About how little sleep he’s getting and how trapped he feels and how he shouldn’t feel this way because there’s something there _he knows there is_ because _he felt it_. He felt it.

_****_

For a second Percy considers it. He wonders if it would help. It would be easy to let the words slip, to accept the help to clean it up. But then something grabs his throat and the mere thought of telling anyone terrifies him like nothing else.

_****_

So instead he smiles and promises her he won’t, watching her return it with a smile of her own and ignoring the painful edge threatening to cut him with disappointment. (Blood is just as hard to get out as secrets) They talk for another hour and then it’s time to say goodbye. Percy walks her to the door and with one last hug he watches it slowly close behind her.

_****_

**Some mistakes get made. That's alright, that's okay. You can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain.**

_****_

“I don’t understand!” 

_****_

“You don’t have to!”

_****_

They’re fighting. Screams are bouncing off the walls and secrets are being gutted and spilled and they're fighting. There's blood on the floor but neither of them can see it. There’s a cut on Percy’s wrist ~~and another on his heart~~ but he can’t feel it. There’s a broken bottle in Jason’s hand but he doesn’t notice it.

_****_

“Forget it!” Percy screams because he’s allowed too. Because he can.

_****_

“Stop running away from me!" Jason grabs Percy’s wrist with a desperate grasp mirroring his expression and he holds on as hard as he can. For all that he is. Because he can’t lose this. He can’t lose him. He can't go back to those days with empty walls and emptier smiles. He can't go back to blue skies and dying flowers. He can't go back to quiet hallways and loud silences.He can't. He can't. He can't. He can't. He can’t- 

_****_

“Jason stop you’re hurting me!” 

_****_

And just like that Jason let’s go. A deep purple bruise is blooming on Percy’s upper wrist that looks suspiciously like fingerprints and oh god - Jason feels like he’s gonna be sick and the look in Percy’s eye isn’t helping. He looks almost- 

_****_

Jason drops the bottle and neither of them hear it crash (did it even make a sound?) Instead Percy leaves the room and Jason doesn’t stop him. Neither of them say a word for the rest of the night.

_****_

**Some mistakes get made. That's alright, that's okay. In the end, it's better for me that's the moral of the story babe.**

_****_

Later that week when Percy can barely remember what Jason looked like ~~that's a lie~~ , he’s laying in bed dancing on that hazy bridge between sleep and awake. Where he can picture his dreams but is still aware of his surroundings.

_****_

He feels Jason get in and tentative arms wrap, around his waist. They’re scorching and Percy pushes into the heat. “I’m sorry” he hears a voice whisper. He sounds like Percy feels and he wishes it was a surprise. “S’okay”, he whispers back because it feels like a whisper moment. He wanted to sound sincere but his wrist hurt and he’d been getting flashbacks all week. So instead it comes out old and worn which it is and Jason nods into Percy’s shoulder, his hand coming to rest next to Percy’s.

_****_

Percy’s sure they can make one more night.

_****_

**Oh, oh. Oh-ooh-oh. Woo, oh. Oh-ooh-oh. Oh, oh. Oh-ooh-oh. Woo, oh. Oh-ooh**

_****_

“Percy?”, She says it so softly it’s a miracle he heard anything 

_****_

She sounds scared and for the life of him Percy can’t figure out why. Here he is out of the house trying to have a nice dinner with his best friend and she’s scared. “Are you okay?” Her eyes are lined with concern and despite the fact that Percy has yet to respond she seems to have already decided on the answer: no.

_****_

She takes his hand and Percy almost wants to pull away. Almost. “I’m worried”. God why does everyone keep saying that? He’s fine. He looks fine, doesn’t he? “I’m sorry”, Rachel whispers, starting to pull away her hand but Percy grabs on. He must have said that out loud. Crap. 

_****_

“I’m not mad”, he says because he’s not. Just tired. ~~Always tired~~. Rachel gives his hand a tug to bring him back to her. He notices tears swimming in her eyes and he can feel a bit of his heartbreak. _~~That’s your fault~~_. 

_****_

“You don’t smile Perce”, she starts and her voice is low. “You don’t have that twinkle in your eye that you used too and I just….” She breaks off with a crack in her voice. Percy wants to hold her, tell her everything is his fault, anything to make her stop, to make it stop. He opens his mouth to say something but she beats him to it. 

_****_

“You look dead, Perce”. 

_****_

It's jumbled and the words come tumbling out quickly and quietly but they're out there and there’s no taking them back. They both freeze under the weight of the sentence and then Rachels wiping her eyes and apologizing and trying to steer them both back to the original topic.

_****_

_Dead_ , Percy thought. 

_****_

_Dead_. 

_****_

**They say it's better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all. That could be a load of shit. But I just need to tell you all**

_****_

Jason came home late. Work was taxing and life was even worse so these things happened. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Neither was the house being empty when he did. Percy didn’t like empty spaces so he often stayed with a friend when he knew Jason would be late like this. What was different was the note left on the coffee table, dead center of the living room. A note never sent filled with things never said. Jason ignored it at first, thinking Percy just left his stuff out again but finally letting curiosity get the better of him he moved to open it. 

_****_

_My dearest Jason,  
It’s always been the two of us hasn’t it?_

_****_

Jason dropped the letter and ran out the door as fast as he could.

_****_

_Ever since we were just kids it’s been us. There was never anyone but you and I don’t think there ever will be._

_****_

Jason pushed people out of his way not stopping to say his usual “sorry!” He didn’t have time. He’d never have time. 

_****_

_The day you asked me out has to be one of the happiest days of my life._

_****_

Tears filled Jason’s vision until he could barely see and yet he kept pushing, he kept going. He kept trying.

_****_

_The world always seemed so cold before you and then all of a sudden the sun itself couldn’t put up a fight._

_****_

Jason stopped in front of a large building panting, he didn’t know if he could speak if he wanted to.

_****_

_You were bright Jason. You were glowing and something about that ignited me in ways no one had before._

_****_

The elevator would take too long. So Jason took the stairs.

_****_

_It’s not your fault Jason. It’s not your fault that I got burned. And it’s not your fault that all that’s left is ash._

_****_

Jason was hyperventilating. The world was spinning and nothing mattered more than getting to the top. Getting to Percy. 'Just get to Percy', he told himself. Just get to Percy.

_****_

_I have and always will love you. Sometimes too much.  
\- Your dearest Percy_

_****_

Jason reached the top of the building and kicked the door open with enough force to knock it off its hinges if it was just a pound lighter. 

_****_

There Percy stood along the edge. The wind blew in his hair and he had a small smile on his lips as he faced Jason. He looked confident, happy even but his hands had a slight tremor and the smile looked more painful than it was worth. 

_****_

“Percy”, Jason started but Percy beat him to it.

_****_

**Some mistakes get made.**

_****_

“That’s alright, that’s okay”

_****_

**You can think that you’re in love**

_****_

“When you’re really just engaged”

_****_

**Some mistakes get made.**

_****_

“That’s alright, that’s okay”

_****_

**In the end, it’s better for me.**

_****_

“That’s the moral of this story”

_****_

And with a kick of his foot, Percy fell. Jason screamed and ran but Percy flew.

_****_

**Some mistakes get made. That's alright, that's okay. You can think that you're in love.**

_****_

Percy thought of all the time he’d spent with Jason and smiled. From the drunken laughter and searing kisses and gentle whispers and lingering touches. To the butterflies and lightness and watery rays of sun that always seemed to follow them where they went.

_****_

**When you're really just in pain. Some mistakes get made. That's alright, that's okay**

_****_

Percy thought of the screaming and crying. He thought of the deafening silence that went on for days. Of the times where he wouldn’t go anywhere and instead just looked out the window all day still and tired. He thought of the bruising kisses that left nothing behind and of the invisible blood that decorated their walls. 

_****_

**In the end, it's better for me. That's the moral of the story babe**

_****_

Percy could see Jason’s eyes from here. Piercing blue as always. He never broke eye contact. Instead, he tried to force every emotion -good and bad- into them. It was the last thing he could give Jason and he wanted to make it last. Percy saw the hand that reached out, desperate, grasping, not ready. Slow down, Slow down. Slow down. 

_****_

Percy didn’t reach back.

_****_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed and remember to leave criticism and feedback in the comments!


End file.
